Indian society is often considered conservative in several matters even though it is one of the most rapidly growing economies of the world. India as a country is progressive in its approach giving equal rights and opportunities to all its citizens making no discrimination of any kind based on caste, class, religion, gender, etc. Then why is it so that most of the Indian couples don’t want a girl child? Why do they all want to be parents to male kids only? I have been wondering on this question for quite a long time and have heard a number of logic in favor and against the same. But even though it may sound heartless but it’s very true that there are a number of strong reasons why Indian couples don’t want a girl child which even I strongly agree with! Yes, even though I am myself mommy to a cute little princess but I am all the time scared about her future in this country and don’t ever want to have another little girl child! Here are my reasons for this thinking which I know many others would strongly agree with!
Safety
This is the biggest concern of all Indian parents having a girl child. It just completely shatters all parents having daughters when they read the news of a young girl (as young as a few days or months old) being brutally tortured and raped by some monsters. How can you have the dare to give birth to another girl child in such a brutal society? Moreover, you can not even expect speedy justice if something wrong happens to your girl child. There are ‘intellectuals’ who say the boy was just 17-year-old so he was a ‘minor’ and should not be tried as an adult! He should be sent in some shitty reform house for 2-3 years and come out and be let free to do more such heinous crimes! As if the girl who was just 1 or 2 years old she was an adult. Ridiculous and disgusting! No parents can ever imagine such things happening with their little angels but it’s the saddest reality of the day that our girls in India are NOT Safe! So, we are scared to have a girl child in Indian society.
Victim Blaming
Crimes against women are rampant all over the world but what makes the case of Indian women worse is the attitude of Indian society towards those who have survived some crime! Instead of shaming the perpetrators, Indian society shames and blames the women who survived the crime. Be it a rape, or acid attack or a case of domestic violence in all such instances a woman is blamed for inviting the trouble on herself by being bold and fearless! No girl ever wants to be attacked and abused! Victim blaming breaks a girl and her entire family!
Gender-Gap
Even though there will be lacs of people speaking in against of me when I say there’s gender-gap in our Indian society citing examples of women achievers {many of whose stories you can read here on WonderfulWoman ;)} But when I say there’s gender gap in India, I also have lots of examples to prove my point! First, Even if a woman is well educated and equally earning as her husband, she is considered more responsible to look after the household and kids then her husband. Men may be a little modern and allow freedom to their wives nowadays but the in-laws don’t! They think it the sole responsibility of the woman to cook and take care of all the family members. If a boy was busy in studies and didn’t learn how to cook, it’s not an issue but if a girl did the same she is ridiculed! If a man is aggressive, it’s okay a woman should bear him, if a woman is she is disgusting! If a boy has multiple affairs, drinks, smokes, uses abusive words, he is considered normal or even ‘cool’ but a girl must be a virgin, soft-speaking, good chef and caretaker. Hypocrisy at its highest!
Girls Parents Have to Live Alone
There is this strange cruel ritual in Indian society that after a girl gets married to a boy she has to leave her parents home and go and get settled not just with the boy she marries, but with his entire family! She has to consider the boys’ parents and as her own and take care of them always not getting permission to visit her own parents often. The boy’s parents always feel proud and privileged to a boy’s parents and keep finding fault with the girl and her family. A girl visits her parents only when she is ‘allowed’ to by her in-laws. Girls parents cannot expect their daughters to look after them in their old age. In fact, they are made to believe it’s their destiny to live and suffer alone as they gave birth to only girls! Tell me, who would like to have girls in such a scenario?
I love my daughter and raising her like a princess but get shaken when the above and many more points come to my mind. I wish to see a happy and safe future for my daughter and all the daughters in India. May all the negativities disappear from our country and it becomes more accepting to women.
Things are not as it seems. From a long time we have been told that the parents don’t want girl child. But my case is different altogether. My parents wanted a girl child. But I am the only child, a guy.
At different times I’ve got to hear from them about ” I wish I had a daughter”. “If I had a daughter she would be better than you” , “she would have helped me” and other things. And keep in mind, I know how to cook, sweep, mop, clean etc.
In the beginning, when my mom used to say these things, I believed that she is saying this just bcz she is angry or she is in a bad mood. As a consequence of this, I lived in denial for a long time, that all of this is not serious, it’s just something rhetorically said in anger. But this happened multiple times. Not once, not twice, not 10 times, even more than that, and this still happens with me. This is so demoralizing! And the worst part of all this is that I belong to a country where male child is more valued, and yet I am somehow being treated in such a horrible manner! I don’t say discrimination is fine, but here, I am the one being discriminated against. I see other guys, they have the freedom to do everything, but I am not even allowed to go out of my house. And even here in my campus hostel, I have to inform them everything I do, when do I wake up, when do I sleep, where am I going(if at all I am going somewhere) . I feel like I am being controlled. And on top of all this, she has said that she would have given “freedom” to her daughter, if she had one!
I do not understand what I did wrong. I am the victim here. But f*minist propaganda will not show about this reverse discrimination. For them, the male is the oppressor always!
My parents are not bad people, I love them and respect them, but certainly, this whole “wanted a daughter” thing has negatively affected me.
I can relate! Completely honest!
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Thank you for sharing such a powerful insight into Indian society. A lot of this resonates with me and my culture. As times pass, we would only hope that it would get better.
As an Africa woman, I can actually relate to this very deeply. Girls were made to feel inferior and when you dont have boys there was a kind of shame attached to it but thank God things are evolving and women are changing thing up on behalf of all the unborn baby girls in Africa, I hope India gets more enlighten also.